Posted in Hope, Impossible, lessons, life lessons, soul surgery, spiritual training, Transparency, Uncategorized, Writing

In which I find logic and reason to be beyond me…

For a time at least.

I knew when I took on the task of home schooling my daughter, that I would be faced with both the pleasant memories and the demons of my past.

Okay, slightly melodramatic, but math IS the bane of my existence. I didn’t think I could hate it more until I got to statistics class in college. I knew I was doomed when the instructor calmly informed us that he, “Was not here to entertain us,” and he, “Didn’t care if we passed or failed.” I passed, but barely.

So first grade math SHOULD be a cinch for me, right?


Instead, I find myself staring stupidly at a problem, getting frustrated at my ineptness, and yelling at my daughter when she can’t figure it out either. Before anyone freaks out, yes. I apologized and asked for forgiveness. I also explained that mommy hates feeling inept and dumb (not in those words) and that math was NEVER my strong suit.

My daughter is brilliant at math. Part of the reason for my frustration. HOWEVER, she is also seven and learning these concepts for the first time. While she may pick up quickly on some of the strategies and problem solving, I forgot to give her grace and understanding.

Me, at 32 years of age. Still struggling with grace. I know. The logic is beyond me too.

I find myself getting frustrated easily these days. My temper’s short and my patience levels low.

But maybe it’s not everyone else I’m frustrated at. Which stinks because they are usually the first ones to feel it.

That math problem that I couldn’t figure out for the life of me and sent my daughter into tears?

I came back to it later in the day, mainly to justify my frustration and convince myself that I’m not inept.

Guess what?

I worked my way through the problem. Was it silly? Yes. Does it still feel like a pointless exercise? Definitely. There are at least TEN other ways the problem could be more easily solved. That’s not the point though.

The point is, I figured it out. AND I explained it to my daughter without either of us breaking down into tears.

I think that’s what grace is to me. It’s God getting frustrated by my continued ineptness and repeat mistakes, but putting the frustration away and realizing that I’m still a child learning these concepts for the first time. So unlike me, He doesn’t hit me over the head with my failures and bring me to tears.

Instead, He walks me through each step with patience and love until I figure it out. THEN He rejoices with me when I’ve gotten the concept.


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