Posted in discipline, faith, God, laziness, life lessons, Love, marriage, Pain, prayer, soul surgery, Spiritual disciplines, spiritual training, Tattered and Mended, Transparency, Uncategorized, War, Writing

In which I see firsthand the consequences of disobedience

I woke up this morning, bright eyed and bushy tailed.

At 4:00am.

It might now sound weird to some early birds, but my usual wake up time is more around 5:00am and I don’t wake up bright eyed and bushy tailed.

That’s AFTER the coffee. And the workout. And my Shakeology.

Not necessarily in that order.

Point being, it takes a bit to wake me up in the morning and I NEVER wake up from a deep sleep bright eyed and bushy tailed.

I still want to know where that particular idiom originated.

So there I am at 4 in the morning, after falling asleep sometime after eleven the night before and knowing I needed to get up in an hour to start my day. Clear as day, I knew it was a God thing. It wasn’t so much a voice telling me to wake up and pray, but I got the distinct impression of a rather large nudge and the urge to pray.

I’m awake, I’m alert, shouldn’t be too hard to obey that particular nudge right? I’m up anyway.

I wish I could tell you that I obeyed. My husband and I watched the War Room just recently and LOVED it. I remember thinking after the movie was done that I wanted to have a neighbor like Miss Clara and I wanted to be a prayer warrior like her too. Here I was, not two weeks later, already failing my first Noticeable God Nudge.

Oh I’m a praying woman. I pray at meal times, I pray for patience when my kids have taken the last dredges of mine and run away with it. I pray at bed times, and I even pray during my quiet times, which have increased in frequency and quality over the years. But I still have a LONG way to go toward really earning the label Spiritual/Prayer Warrior.

Which brings me back to the Noticeable God Nudge to pray. Which I VERY pointedly ignored.

It wasn’t that I needed sleep. If you hadn’t already noticed, I was bright eyed and bushy tailed. It wasn’t that I wanted to sleep.

I just didn’t want to pray.

Do you remember disobeying your parents as a child? Do you remember the consequences you faced? Some had a harsh wake up call and others might have gotten a little more of the grace side of things. Others might have gotten away with it and have no idea what disobedience actually means.

I should have prefaced this with the events of the night before. See, my spouse and I were not seeing eye to eye on some issues. It’s not a big deal in the larger picture, because we are pretty good at working things out. It WAS a big deal because we hadn’t worked it out when we went to bed and the lack of resolution led to some troubled sleep for me. It wasn’t like we were angry at one another, we just hadn’t resolved the issues satisfactorily. Thus, it still hung over us.

Fast forward to my early morning NGN (Noticeable God Nudge). It was  a definite call to action and that action was prayer. I didn’t get a script downloaded into my brain, just the urge to pray.

And I ignored it. In fact, I went one step further, since the Nudge wouldn’t go away. I walked upstairs, grabbed a blanket off my couch, fluffed the nearest pillow, and turned on my iTunes to the KJV Bible as read by James Earl Jones. (Beautiful rendition of the KJV by the way. His voice is SO dreamy)

I let JEJ read me to sleep and didn’t wake up until spouse and children woke me a couple hours later.

I wish I had obeyed the God Nudge.

The consequences didn’t hit the moment I woke up. In fact, the morning started out pretty okay. We worked out, drank coffee, talked about how our day was planned out, and it seemed fine.

Then the subject of the unresolved issues came up.

When I say all HELL broke loose, I’m not exaggerating. It wasn’t until both my spouse and I were left a bloody, wounded mess (not literally, I’m talking heart/soul wounds) that we separated to cool down and it hit me HARD.

The realization hit me HARD, but Grace is SO amazing. While I was breaking down in the bathroom, back against the wall, I heard the NGN again. Only this time, it was more of a gentle voice, reminding me of my act of disobedience that morning. If I had only obeyed the God Nudge, I could have avoided the whole Armageddon sized war that had erupted.

If I had listened and heeded, I might have saved my husband and I a whole lot of heartache. What hit me HARD was how deliberate I had been in my choice to disobey. It wasn’t like I was lost in the bustle and busyness and just didn’t HEAR. I HEARD and I closed my ears.

It didn’t matter who started the war and who was at fault and who had the biggest wound in the end. I’d already drawn first blood when I chose to ignore the God Nudge to pray that morning.

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He asked me to do a simple thing. Pray. Not because I would change anything. We still had issues to resolve. But God knew I would need that time with him to center my heart and mind and act as my husband’s guardian/protector as well.

I cannot recall a more poignant or deeply impressive lesson on the power of prayer. I set the tone of the day with my act of disobedience and I honestly can’t explain what possessed me to choose that route. Pride? Stubbornness? I can’t say the Devil made me do it, because the choice was ALL mine. God asked for my obedience out of love for me and I did not love Him enough to obey.

Thankfully, His Grace covers a multitude of sins, and my husband and I did not leave it there. We resolved our issues and I took a LOT of time to pray today.

I only hope that this remains a Lesson Learned. The consequences are not something I ever want to experience again.

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