I’m going to go on record and say that if you are not married or you are under the age of eighteen, I would strongly advise not reading past this point. This contains adult material and is not age appropriate for children, though I don’t belive there is anything morally wrong with what I say here.
I am a normal, healthy girl with a bit of an above average, highly enjoyable sex life. And that is all I will ever expound upon regarding personal intimacy with my husband. However, for the purposes of this blog post, I wanted to make it clear that I have experience in this topic – not as one who spends her time in erotic novels wishing for ideas to spice up her marriage bed, but as one who realizes that all the erotic fiction in the world isn’t going to do squat for me or my husband. In fact, it just may end up damaging our relationship when expectations and objectionable values drive a wedge between spouses who vowed before God to love, honor, and cherish one another for as long as we both live.
I’m sorry. Comparing one’s spouse to a sadistic, abusive, controlling, psychopathic freak to “spice” up one’s bedroom life is not my idea of a healthy romance.
I will halt my commentary by prefacing something. I have not actually read the 50 Shades trilogy save for the opening chapter of each book. (honestly, even if the sexual aspect of the books hadn’t been such a strong turn-off, the poor grammar and context would have had me burning the atrocities) I have read commentaries, news articles, and heard secondhand reports from the readers of “mommy-porn” as to its general storyline. I have perused both the secular and Christian insights into this novelty (yes, pun intended) and have formed my conclusions based on that.
One other preface. I have read both Christian and secular novels with tasteful love scenes. I have nothing against the implications of sex in a fictional work because it is just that – fictional. However, I do take high offense to an author who’s made millions on trashy, raunchy porn all because our society clamors for immature, poorly written material to fulfill their sexual fantasies.
It’s no better than the pornographic websites we in the Christian world speak out against, and yet many God-honoring people justify it. Why?
An article I recently read is what set me off today. Author of 50 Shades of Grey, E.L. James stated that her novels were meant to be a holiday for ladies from their husbands. In the same article, a woman filed for divorce because her husband refused to pretend to be the novel’s main character – Christian Grey. Apparently, her marital bed wasn’t spicy or satisfying enough and her fantasies had dissolved into lust for a fictional character whose main goal in life was controlling every last move and thought of his naive and petty girlfriend/wife.
The husband in the newstory was actually hoping to expedite the divorce process for a variety of reasons. I will never condone divorce as an option, but in the husband’s case, I almost wish him godspeed in getting out of THAT unhealthy, damaging relationship.
A HOLIDAY FROM ONE’S HUSBAND? Are you kidding me? I have choice words running through my head and none of them are pleasant or “Christ-like”. Instead I will say this…
Sorry E.L. James. I don’t need a holiday from my husband. Especially to fantasize about an abusive, controlling psychopath in a crappy work of fiction based on another ALMOST equally crappy work of fiction.
My husband is worth a THOUSAND of your stupid, immature fantasies. I will take one night with him over hundreds with the supposed dream guy in your novels. Nothing about that man you wrote is a dream – I’d call it a nightmare of hellish proportions.
I’ve also seen several commentaries on what the authors called “true BDSM” as opposed to the fudged version in Jame’s work. I won’t judge another’s lifestyle, but I will say this.
My husband was my first and only partner. I have no need of the kinky and pain-filled fetishes and practices of that particular brand of sex to satisfy either of us. We don’t need to watch porn or read erotica or participate in bondage and domination to find a spicy, satisfying intimate relationship. And I can tell you 100% that the relationship we have is healthy and pure. We are open and honest with one another, we love each other as unconditionally as two humans can, and our family life proves it.
Are we perfect? No. Are we always lovey-dovey and romantic? Not at all.
But I can tell you that we honor God when we come together and we serve one another before meeting our own needs.
This trend towards fantasy, fiction, and play-acting disturbs me. Mainly because if you can’t find satisfaction with your lover alone, if you cannot be content with one another and give to one another without the assistance of a fantasy world – and a dark, disturbing one at that – what else are you unsatisfied with in life? What else drives your discontent and leads you to seek out alternate means of happiness or fulfillment?