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In which I discuss freefalling and the detrimental effects of late (early) mornings…

Jump

I am freefalling right now. It’s scary and exciting, and I was never much of a risk taker. That’s definitely changing.

So what’s happening with me lately?

I’m kind of at a strange time right now. It’s good and bad. Good because I am definitely in pursuit of my dream of writing.

Bad, because I feel like several other areas of my life are taking a hit – namely, my family and my sleep.

How does one juggle all the dreams and goals in life? I am not expecting to be a superstar and win fame and fortune on this endeavor. It would be wonderful, but I also am realistic. I may never make it past the first few royalty checks, if that. But gosh darn it, I’m going to keep trying.

The problem is that I don’t know if I can do it all. Work part time as a registered nurse in a job that feels more like a full time one – with all the stress and daily grind. (As I write this, I realize I need to be up in four hours for another turn at the grinding wheel. Grrr…)

Believe me, the positive attitude and faith has been top priority lately. I’ve spent time daily in the Word, listed the things I’m grateful for time and again, and even spent time nursing my sick children and loving on my husband.

It doesn’t stop me from feeling utterly devoid of life and drained. I want the world to stop spinning for just one day – just so I can find my bearings again. I’m truly freefalling, and I want to fly.

This blog post is a fine example. I’m supposed to be maintaining my blog and building a support structure/fan base for my writing. Instead, I find myself going months or weeks without writing only to shove a bunch of words onto the blank screen in the hopes that people won’t notice I was gone.

Where did the consistency go? Or did I ever have it to begin with?

Okay, in light of my mercurial mood and the lateness (earliness) of the hour…I must say goodnight. Perhaps my outlook with be a little better come morning.

Yes, and four hours of sleep is totally refreshing when I’ve gone the last four or five days on about six hours all together.

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