Okay, so I am not doing such a good job at posting once a day. Believe me, I would save for the utter lack of sleep, mounds of neglected housework due to said utter lack of sleep, and two children who still need me a lot despite said utter lack of sleep and mounds of neglected housework.
Being a mother of two, I am quickly realizing that making promises regarding anything at this time in my life is rather useless and disappointing.
So…book that is most like my life.
Disappointment with God by Philip Yancey
There are Christians in the world who seem to have it all together and get through the craziness of life with serenity, patience, and long-suffering.
That would definitely not describe my faith walk.
Pits and valleys, interspersed with crazy-good mountain-top experiences. But the mountain tops always come after a whole lot of pain, disappointment, and doubt. I do not doubt my choice to have a personal relationship with God.
Like Job however, I DO doubt and question all the different aspects of that relationship. Especially when it sometimes seems as if God loves just being quiet and detached from said relationship. There is too much pain and suffering and despair in this world for me to NOT doubt and question.
There is also too much pain, suffering, and despair for me NOT to cling desperately to God regardless of my feelings in the moments of darkness.
I make no illusions that I am strong, steady, and firmly set on the rock of faith. More often than not I feel the weight of shifting sand as it pulls at my feet. I struggle against it and by God’s grace alone, I prevail.
It does not make me any less doubtful when the quick sand continues to pull. I just know that God has his hand on the other end of my rope. And He refuses to let go of me.